On Finding Self-Worth Through Their Eyes

Why the people you love are the ultimate proof of your own worthiness.

Having kids changed how I view myself drastically.

Before, I was never someone who could compliment myself. My inner voice was a harsh, unrelenting critic—unkind, with little to no good things to say about who I was. She never found me beautiful. She never found me worthy. She just picked apart every flaw and everything about me, day after day.

But one day, after years of tormenting me from the inside, I woke up and she was gone. Dead or departed, I don’t know. I don’t care—she was nowhere to be found. Halle-freaking-lujah.

How did this happen, you might ask?

I had kids.

Every time someone said my son had my eyes or my daughter looked just like me, it killed a little part of that mean, judgmental inner voice—slowly, but surely.

Because my kids are the absolute best things on Earth. They are beautiful. Worthy. Good.

How can I call myself ugly when I look into my daughter's face and see pure beauty?

How can I judge my own character when my son acts just like me, and I think he is the smartest, funniest person ever?

How can I call myself unworthy when I’ve been given this important duty of holding space for these two worthy beings?

The more I see myself in my kids, the more beautiful I realize I am.

The more my kids amaze me, the more amazed I am with myself.

My kids cracked open the door to self-love for me. And once that door was open, I realized something even bigger: this math doesn't just apply to my children. It applies to my entire inner circle.

Take my husband, for example. He is the best person I have ever met. He is deeply mature, spiritual, funny, and brilliant—and an extraordinary father to our kids. I am constantly in awe of him.

Or my parents, who have loved me unconditionally all my life. My mom especially—the woman who shows up on my doorstep with open arms every time i need her.

Or my girlfriends: They are the most strong, vulnerable, independent, understanding, graceful and beautiful women inside and out. They help me  and inspire me to grow and become a better person everyday.

So, if 2 + 2 = 4, then having awesome kids + a great husband + a loyal group of friends + a loving family = me being awesome and most importantly worthy, too. Because I am the one choosing them, and they are choosing me. Light attracts light, doesn't it? You can only recognize that level of greatness in others if it lives inside you, too.

If this article comes off as unabashedly self-celebratory, it’s supposed to. But not to boast—to show you what becomes possible when you stop looking in the mirror with critical eyes and start looking through the eyes of the people who love you.

Because you are beautiful.

You are worthy.

You are amazing.

Don’t believe me? Just look at the people you love, and you will see it.

Your people are the best mirror you hold.